


Vol'jin ends up on the Eric Andre show

by Pronkbaggins



Category: The Eric Andre Show, World of Warcraft
Genre: Gen, World of Warcraft Vanilla, adult swim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28056858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronkbaggins/pseuds/Pronkbaggins
Summary: Vol'jin ends up on the Eric Andre show. It makes him so confused he writes a memoir, and then sticks it into chocolate and eats it.
Kudos: 1





	Vol'jin ends up on the Eric Andre show

The room was dark and smelled odd. The muffled sound of applause and chaos was bursting behind a musty curtain. The room smelled dank, but in a foul way that was only matched by the smell of a small cave that had been occupied by one too many for far too long.  
"We have a guest!" Eric Andre's muffled voice sounded across the stage. To the troll, the sound was unwelcome and loud. The troll gritted his teeth and scowled, his poorly adorned plastic shackles too small for his large wrists.  
"Ladies and gentlemen, shadow hunter and son of Sen'jin, it's Vol'jin!"  
Light exploded across Vol'jin's vision as someone rudely prodded him in the back so he would be forced to step through the musty curtain. Pre-recorded applause rattled through the stage and abruptly stopped as Vol'jin gained his bearings and stared at the two human men before him. How did he end up here?  
"Who you be?" Vol'jin queried, taking a step forward curiously. These men wore strange clothes were staring at him in a way he did not like.  
"Sit down, sit down" Eric motioned excitedly as Hannibal stepped away from the chair, leaving the grungy thing as an open invitation for the troll.  
Vol'jin did not budge.  
"Come on, sit down" Eric motioned enthusiastically "we don't bite."  
Vol'jin raised a three digit hand to check his own temperature. "Dis be a fine trick, but I be goin' back home now" he mused. He had just been discussing the relevance of the witch doctor apprentice in Sen'jin village. Clearly, the apprentice caught wind and was playing mind games with him.  
"Hannibal, make our guest feel at home" Eric said.  
Hannibal was eating Cheezits and began offering them to Vol'jin lazily. Vol'jin swatted his hand aside and stood to his full towering height.  
"I be going now" he repeated, but Eric got up and blocked his way.  
"Come on man, please, I need this" Eric said, getting far too close to the troll's face.  
"Dat be close enough" Vol'jin said, extending his long arm and pushing Eric away with one thick finger "okay, I will play ya little game if ya take me back hom-"  
The couch exploded before Vol'jin could finish his sentence. The troll jumped and took a defensive stance as Eric screamed "DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?"  
"Spirits, ye all be mad. I am out of here" Vol'jin said as Eric started doing a strange dance and began to pull down his pants.  
"I bet they don't do this in your village" Eric grinned.  
Vol'jin stood aghast. He thought he had seen it all.  
"Hell no" he grumbled, averting his eyes and looking for a means of escape.  
"Do you ever dream of becoming a train?" Hannibal asked dreamily as Eric began smashing up his desk.  
Before Vol'jin even had a chance to take another breath, Eric tossed him a pink fedora. The troll caught it instinctually and regretted it instantly. He dropped it and pushed it aside with one foot.  
"Put that on" Eric demanded "so we can watch a clip of Vol'jin's new movie!"  
"Wha-" Vol'jin began, but then a strange illusion played in front of him. It was a crude depiction of what he assumed was meant to be him battling an elephant while chanting "do not take da banana." Human text flashed across the illusion. Vol'jin knew just enough about how to read their language to make out the words "LIVE ACTION DUMBO II." Just like that, the illusion disappeared.  
Suddenly, Eric was smearing paint across his own face. Vol'jin grimaced as he realized he was making a crude attempt at copying Vol'jin's face paint.  
"Come on mon. Dat be disrespectful, even for a human" Vol'jin grumbled, still trying to find a means to escape.  
"Can I get a nose job to get a nose like yours?" Eric asked, promptly following up with "why do you tell your people that you wash yourself with hard boiled eggs?"  
Before Vol'jin had a chance to process the question, his hand instinctively raising to his nose, another human joined Eric's side. He appeared only loosely similar to Eric, but the two of them began trying to mimic each other.  
"Why....do...trolls....poop....in....holes?" they both said, the second man slightly delayed as he clung onto what Eric was going to say next.  
"Yeah man" Hannibal said behind Vol'jin.  
Vol'jin turned, and unfortunately Hannibal also had another man standing next to him in a poorly done imitation. To his utter dismay, there was a scrawny human painted in blue, a carrot attached to his nose, and small prosthetic elf ears with a fake mohawk standing next to him.  
"Da f--" Vol'jin began as the human who was supposed to be him tried to anticipate what he was saying. Vol'jin cursed in troll and threw his long hands up in the air.  
"Dis be too much" he declared loudly, willing the power of the shadow and elements to come to his aid as he had been accustomed to. There was nothing - no elements here to call upon.  
The next few minutes felt like Vol'jin had been poisoned with bad jungle juice. Swirling lights, loud chaos, food being thrown everywhere. Suddenly he was back home, laying on his side as if waking from a nightmare. In his hand was a small piece of paper that said "thank you for being on the Eric Andre show."  
Vol'jin had experienced a lot of strange things in his life, but nothing ever like this. He sat up, staring at the paper. Time to visit that apprentice.  
Nobody had any answers for Vol'jin, and he did not want to go into too much detail to risk seeming like he lost his mind. He feverishly began working on a memoir to write down the maddening experience. Perhaps one day his sons would gain some wisdom from it.  
Vol'jin put down the freshly inked novel of a memoir he had written and realized that was the dumbest thing he ever thought. Nobody should read this. It was nonsense. His stomach let out a ferocious gurgle and he realized he had not eaten since starting the memoir.  
Luckily, someone was kind enough to have prepared him a tub of melted chocolate, one of his secret pleasures since discovering it in Elwyn Forest. He dipped the memoir in the chocolate and ate it.


End file.
